Retold by LoreKeeper Casstiel of the Five Horsemen in the Summer of 2012
Regarding the events in Dec 2010
The Pandemonium Awakening of Casstiel
“And I guess I still don't. I faced my inner demons, my LITERAL inner demons. I relived every horrible thing I did, every selfish thing I have ever said. Anytime I was weak or hurt the people around me. Anytime to hurt another. There was A LOT of material to cover. I played all the parts in these horror plays. By the time I was in the middle of it I knew I deserved this pain. They tortured me. I tortured myself. Physical pain and emotional pain are the same thing there, no body, just the mind and the nightmares. I created this place. I REALLY thought I was in the Christan Hell, and that I was never going to leave.”
“In fact, at one point they did trick me. I thought I was out. I continued life like nothing happened for a subjective YEAR. Then that angler-demon showed up and said it was all a lie and I never left Hell. And Bam I was back in it. I think that is part of what finally broke me.”
“Then through all this torment I started fighting back. The only weapon you have against a demon of this kind is your willpower alone. The Hanged Man – to bear pain stoically and never again cry uncle. It took forever to resist to the point it still hurt but couldn't stop me. Pain started to become my power, it fueled my will. I waded through the thorns of psychic torment... all my sins faced... my weakness scourged from my body. Not purified… but melted down into a star metal of iron.”
“Then I reached it. At the center of the endless labyrinth that defied all reason and concept of distance or direction I got to the center. All my agony and willpower formed a singularity.”
“I saw the Iron Tower. The Tower of the Iron Gauntlet. The prison inside the prison. But I was about to become a jailor. That is what I thought was going to happen. I would be destroyed or I would become a Demon. I was ready. Inside was an Iron maiden of jagged Iron rusty spikes. I wrote my name in blood and willed my mind into it. I wrote my name upon it, my pure true name, the center of my identify and sympathy and I was MASTIGOS.”
I smile, it doesn’t touch my eyes. Voice dead now. It is the smile of success and grim determination.
“So that was it. My mental body was torn limb from limb by demons of my own making, every pain was a judgment, a consequence, a lesson. Until I finally let go of all my hang-ups, baggage, derangement, my unclean soul was purified as pieces were torn away. Gleeful surgery without painkillers, the act of healing a tumor and cutting it away has to be felt to actually work. I suffered the everson (turning inside out) of my soul many times. And you experienced this same vertigo and loss of reason.”
The tower burned like a forge. Through the Mantacores I formed my will into a psychic blade that pieced the pain and carved my name into the iron forge forever.
“When I woke from the longest most horrible dream I knew I was really back. Pandemonium was more real than my entire life, other than the lessons forged from ever act, sin, fear, weakness I CREATED for myself in my life up until then.”
“And you know the rest. I still felt it when I woke up, the channel to that place. My soul was changed, my will was refined. I had a body, an actual body. And it hurt to be alive. It was a joy. Then I, like the rest of us, quickly found and called upon the Sight for the first time. Which you have already found.” I down the rest of my beverage. “Are you okay? I didn’t scare you too bad did I?”
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