[The Secret World] Kingsmouth - Interview with Sandy "Moose" Jansen

Venue: The Secret World
Created by: Funcom
Location: Sheriff's Office, Kingsmouth, Solomon Island, Maine

Interview with Sandy "Moose" Jansen

2 November 2013

Immediately after the start of the Solomon Island blockade incident

Moose has quite the skill with explosives and enlisted us in helping test those explosives. Sandy was saved by Deputy Andy during the fog rolling over Solomon Island, and appears to be quite taken with him.

Me: So Moose, why were you in Kingsmouth in the first place anyway?

Moose: There’s nothin’ like the confines of a cubicle or a packed subway to give a man perspective. I was so caught up in the grind of office politics and the endless hunt for affirmation and money, I didn’t realise I was getting’ sick. Friend, I was no more alive than those things out there, and a sight less mobile. The disease that grew inside me was as black as theirs. “Freedom lies in bein’ bold,” said Robert Frost, so I boldly quit my job and traded my rent-controlled apartment on Christopher street for a vintage Harley and an old poncho. Found my salvation in the open road, and I haven’t looked back since.

Me:   So you were passing through.  And then the fog, right?

Moose: Travelling the open country, you learn to be prepared for whatever the land throws your way. Faced with the elements, you gain a new appreciation and respect for nature, and you come to accept how small and insignificant you truly are. Nature is neither good, or evil. Just is. But there was nothing natural about the storm that rolled in on Solomon Island, or the fog that followed. There was evil in that fog, whispering to everyone in its path. The townsfolk followed the fog back into the sea, as if possessed. It was Deputy Gardener – Andy – saved my life. He grabbed hold of me when the fog got into my head, tied a rope around us both, kept walkin’ the other way. It was like the whispers didn’t get to him. When I finally got my wits back, the fog had rolled back out again to where it is now. We shook hands, and we started lookin’ for survivors and building this fortress. That man saved my life, selflessly, and I love him for it. I’d go to the ends of the world and back for Andy…I don’t think I’ll ever win him over though.

Me:   Oh I don't know.  For one, there certainly less eligible bachelors around here then there were before Halloween.  And he acts like he doesn't know.  He also acts like he isn't flattered.

Moose: Wait, you pulling my leg?

Me: Nope.  Just go talk to him.

Moose: Okay then.  Well I'm going to play this right.

Me: Andy wasn't the only reason you stayed behind was it?

Moose: Andy and Helen – Deputy Gardener and Sheriff Bannerman – they are the reason I stayed behind when I could have just gone. I know the secret roads, I know how to ride out of here, through places the fog can’t touch. But folks like them, and like the rest of the survivors here in Kingsmouth, deserve better. I’m not putting you on the spot here, friend. I know you got other places to be, other wars to fight, which is why it’s doubly important I stay behind. There’s an honesty and an innocence to these people, and they genuinely know and care about one another. Of course, I can’t claim total selflessness. My heart’s gone soft for Andy, and even if he’ll never feel the same way for me, as long as this heart’s beating, I won’t let any harm come to him.

Me: Wow, you do got it bad.  No, we aren't leaving till the job is done. I don't know about the others but I plan to save as many people as I can before we roll out.  The others say you've been worth your weight in gold, was it your idea to build this... compound around the Sheriff's Office?

Moose: I’ve spent the better part of two decades on the road, my friend, and I’ve learnt that there’s not a loose bolt these hands can’t tighten, not a broken transmission they cannot fix. You give me a handful of nails and some wood, and I’ll build you a house. When the undead came marching up Main Street, just a day or two after the fog pulled back, we did our best to prepare for the worst. Andy and me, with the help from the rest of the good folk here, built ourselves something better than a house. We built a castle. It won’t hold forever, but as long as we’re breathing, as long as we believe in salvation – with or without help from the likes of you – we’ll walk tall and stand firm.

Me: You said you know secret roads off the Island.   Is that something we could us?  Is this the first time you've come face to face with the supernatural?

Moose: Living on the razor’s edge of society your eyes open up to the possibility that there’s something more to this world, something most people are too blind or too preoccupied to notice. Even if it’s right under their noses, and has been all along. I only noticed small things at first. Roads that appeared and disappeared. Folks who travelled by way of gates drawn in chalk on brick walls. Houses bigger on the inside than the outside. Magic trinkets sold at yard sales. Street shamans capable of taking out the cancer inside you. But it wasn’t until I found myself face to face with werewolves in New Orleans that I realised there’s a secret war going on. After that, I couldn’t escape it. I saw signs and sigils everywhere. I’ve met recruiters for the Templars, Illuminati and the Dragon. They all seem to think I’d make a useful operative. I tell them I take no sides, and that I’d be little use to them. But the “united against darkness” thing I can get behind. We’re all in this together…and we all got work to do.

Me: Sounds good, that is why we haven't been squabbling over resources.  I know the cynics think this is just a golden opportunity for the Dragon and the Templars to make a land grab for Illuminati assets... and maybe there is some of that, but we all see the writing on the wall: something bad happened here, is happening here, and we don't want it to catch on.  So what can we do to help? (Beginning of Mission: Death, and the Instruments Thereof)

Moose: I was waiting for you to ask.  Back in my old life, I always wondered what was around the corner I didn't take, down the road I didn't go.  That's how I ended up here, up to my elbows in machine grease, rigging bombs. Relax, my friend. I've got plenty of experience blowing shit up.  I've got a handle on death and the instruments thereof, and no desire to see the infinite darkness claim any of us quite yet.  These mechanical servants of the reaper will stay still and silent till I'm good and ready to push that button.  Travelling the big country's taught me everything from bull riding to bonsai, enough to cause a man to lose his appetite for destruction.  But circumstances require us to yield to the greater good.  Even when that greater good isn't all the pretty.  Road here said I'd be pitching in with soft-shell lobster season. Instead, I found nightmare country, maybe the very rotten heartland of it.

But I'm philosophising. Life is sacred, every moment is precious...which brings us right back around to blowing up dead guys.  I've got no shortage of time or ideas, what I'm lacking is the nuts and bolts of it.

I could fill a shipping cart down Main Street, but getting out there and back? That's hat's kicking my ass, my friend.  

Me: Shouldn't be an issue, Sheriff's already had us go on a supply run yesterday and we've gotten acquainted with the phone book and layout of the town.  Just give me the shopping list.

Moose: Here you go.  And while your out?

Me: Yeah? (Beginning of Mission: Appetite for Destruction)

Moose: Well... My passion for this life is my greatest weakness. Out there on the road I found serene understanding of just what there is which is more than I could ever want. And life is too sacred to miss even one single sunrise from nursing a black eye. That said, indifference is the greatest crime. I never turned by back on decent folks in trouble. And if I learned anything in Baton Rouge, aside from damn good bourbon chicken, is was that... oh man, do I hate zombies! Yeah, I tell ya there is a real enlightenment to be found on the open road. With no witness but the CinemaScope sky. Solitude is the only real test of character. To be out there on your own is to see deep inside yourself. But soul-searching means nothing to those who don't have one. And solitude is no fortress against the walking dead. No. We need to stick together. 

Me: Moose, your philosophising again...  

Moose: Just listen.  This is a test of character forged in fire. I been tinkering with these instruments of death and I think they'll do the trick. Still need a test run though. Preferably somewhere where we don’t knock over any picket fences.

Me: Playing with IEDs... what could be more fun?  Alright, we'll test them out as we go shopping.  Bound to attract plenty of zombs.

Moose: Thanks friend, once things have settled down I got even more ideas, things your overlords may appreciate.  

Me: Sounds like a deal.  See you later.

Mission "Death, and the Instruments Thereof" Faction After Action Reports

FROM: The Dragon
TO: Dante Zelas (D17) of the Shadowfang
SUBJECT: Death, and the Instruments Thereof

The ingredients you have found for your friend should indeed serve many deadly functions. We look forward to the blood and violence.

Killing always ends with the same result, but each unique way of getting there provides valuable information about our enemies. Do they abandon when a limb is lost, or swing it as a weapon? Do they run when they burn, or flap on the ground? Knowledge is precious.

Concurrently (for everything is concurrent), we now know more about Kingsmouth's commercial layout and the distribution of its enemies.

We are pleased.

The Labyrinth (The Illuminati)
TO: Casstiel (Mastigos) of the Five Horsemen
SUBJECT: Death, and the Instruments Thereof

Helping the locals defend themselves isn't a total waste of time. It keeps them alive, which keeps down the number of flesh feeders on the streets.

So, these shopping sprees into town are fine as long as you're multi-tasking. That means reconnaissance. It means mapping your threats. It means keeping tabs on those pods out by the trawler...

Anyway, you've just spent a lot of your time (and mine) gathering explosive material.

I hope it's put to good use.

Ciao-ciao

FROM: Temple Hall
TO: Eos (M-Eos) of Malleus Maleficarum
SUBJECT: Death, and the Instruments Thereof

Splendid work. I’m encouraged by your ability to roam and scrounge up necessary ingredients. Our enemies are relentless and demonstrate rudimentary combat skills. However, they clearly haven’t grasped the nuances of blocking key roads and securing access to supplies. Advantage humanity.

I understand you’ve acquired some destructive ingredients for your friend. One assumes the next step is to detach the limbs of our enemies in some truly spectacular fashion?

In order for us to test their weaknesses, of course.

R. Sonnac

Mission "Appetite for Destruction" Faction After Action Reports

FROM: The Dragon
TO: Dante Zelas (D17) of the Shadowfang
SUBJECT: Appetite for Destruction

A convincing demonstration. We approve of diversified means. The Dragon cannot promise you strength in numbers. Fate decides how many we are. But, as you have shown, numbers mean nothing in the face of preparedness. Your data allows us to analyse our enemies' strengths and weaknesses. This will make us prepared. For now, we are excited by the early results of long-range fire tactics. The greatest gift is an enemy who runs toward you only to lay down and kiss your feet.

The Labyrinth (The Illuminati)
TO: Casstiel (Mastigos) of the Five Horsemen
SUBJECT: Appetite for Destruction

We're very happy with your diversity of destructive means. It allows us to track enemy responses to fire, shock, impairment, etc. The tactical advantages of combining long and short range strategies should be clear at this point. So keep mixing things up. As suspected, the draug are like fish - they can't keep out of water for long stretches of time. By blocking the sewer we've restricted a key access point into town and, hopefully, limited draug influence to a more manageable radius.

High Five

FROM: Temple Hall
TO: Eos (M-Eos) of Malleus Maleficarum
SUBJECT: Appetite for Destruction

Good show! We've been able to track the effectiveness of the devices you employed. This will help us make further inquiries into the weaknesses of both draug and zombies. Hopefully it will also sharpen your tactical strategies. On a personal note, I thought the mines proved particularly effective. They exposed the single greatest weakness of our current enemies: predictability. We may not outnumber our mindless foes, but we can certainly outwit them.R. Sonnac

Later as promised Moose delivered on a few items of great interest and benefit to us.  About a month later I came across Moose having Coffee outside the Sheriff's Office with Deputy Andy.  (Beginning of Mission: The Uncertainty Principle)

Moose:  That's damn good coffee, Andy. You sure know how to make a man happy.

Andy: Why thanks, Sandy. All I did was fill her with water and change the filter, but I appreciate it.

Moose: The offer still stands, Andy. When this is all over, you're welcome to hop on the back of my bike and go explore the open road together.

Andy: Ah, geez, thanks. I'm sure it'd be fun, but I couldn't leave this town or Sheriff Helen. It'd just feel wrong.

Moose: Well I respect that about you. You're a good man, and any woman would be lucky to have you.

Andy: Well, uh, there hasn't been any... But that doesn't mean I, uh, I...  Ah, geez, I'm sorry.

Moose: Relax, my friend. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.

Me: Hey guys, sorry  to interrupt.

Moose: Well hey, look who's back. Cuppa Joe?

Me: I'm good, I hear Andy's coffee is top notch though.

Moose: The Deputy and I were just discussing the war effort, and it looks like we're having mixed success.  Back before I found the open road, I made my living as a financial analyst on Wall Street.  It wasn't the life for me, but it taught me some important things about numbers and statistics.  With enough trial, and plenty of error, I've been able to gauge the effects of my weapons of mass destruction.  Now, from what I can tell, no one shoe fits all, and depending on the tools, different screws turn at different speeds.

Andy: What the heck does that mean?

Moose: It means those creatures out there react differently to the weapons.  Some have tolerance for fire and heat; others are easily brought down by shrapnel.  And I've made a list.

Andy: Different folks, different strokes, as they say?

Moose: Andy - that's the wisest thing I've heard anyone say today.

Me: Sounds good, more experiments in weaponry.  I'll get these things and we'll have ourselves some more live-fire experimentation.

One piece of interesting technology that Moose had was some kind of advanced physics engine.  It looked like it was damaged though.  Apparently Edgar Stone out at the scrapyard had made it.  So next I went to go see him.

Me: Hello?

Edgar: (Inside his bus, looking out a window) Whosat? How didya get past the boys?  Tango! Cash! Where you at, boys?

Me: Hey Edgar, Sorry to bother ya...

Edgar: Wait. Wait, wait, wait! I reckon-eyes you, you been here before, ain't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,  I'd recon-eyes that ugly mug anywhere. Hee hee hee! Oh boy!

Me: Well... I have been by here before for a few things yeah.

Edgar: (Coming out of his bus) Things round here ain't no better now than they was back then. I think I could fairly say they've gotten a whole heap worse on top of it.  There's some fucked up shit in that yard.  Oh yeah. Clankering tranformators and tiny hovering beeper-creepers. Saton-on-a-stick, I been taking 'em apart and tinkering and rippin' 'em apart again!

Me: The scrapeyard golems are back huh?

Edgar: Now I tried to make the insides all jive with the short bus, but she was having none of it. Too fancy for my baby-girl. (patting the bus) (Whispering to you) So I started tinkering behind her back...shhh, don't you tell her now!  (normal voice) What we're aiming towards here is a full on specify-station of quantum motors.  That's just like regular motors, except with fancier figurin', you know?  For now this is all simply...Theo's-reticle.  (Picking up the quantum bracer) You followin' me? Foreign-sample, take these doo-hickeys here...  

Me: Quantum Motors?  Cool...

Edgar: No, no, don't you touch it!  Jay-sus Christ and his virgin mama, I ain't done splainin' yet!  This here is sensitive to the most probably of the infant-tits at any given point in time. You understandin' me? It works on the uncertainly principle.  Means I ain't even certain it'll work yet!  But! Supposin' you had enough power and perfect symmeteries to channel the infant-tits...well, then! Hoo! Boy, oh boy! I reckon all this science-talk's making your brain hurt. 

Me: Well, I did like that joke back there... I've seen the Big Bang Theory...

Edgar: Shit, I know the feeling. Been feeling that feeling all my life, friend. I mean if those little shits in middle school could see me now...  "Edgar, he ain't got much upstairs! He's feeble! He's a retard! He'll never amount to nuthin, that Edgar!"  Little fuckers. Look who's still alive. Look who's got a ride outta this fuckin' mess.  Look who's tinkerin' with quantum motors. The retard, that's who!  Yeah... the fuckin' retard.  Please ignore my French, but my mama told me to take pride in calling myself a 'retard', so the other kids wouldn't have power over me.  So if it offends you - well, then, just go fuck yourself.

Mission "The Uncertainty Principle" Faction After Action Reports

FROM: The Dragon
TO: Dante Zelas (D17) of the Shadowfang
SUBJECT: The Uncertainty Principle

This is precisely the kind of inspired genius we seek in our scientific ranks. Quantum chaos is a blossoming branch of study and Edgar's insights - once adequately translated - should give us a wonderful push forward.

Our current focus is distinguishing "itabities" from "bititities." We're confident that once that's done, quantum theory will never be the same again.

In the meantime, do not be put off by this new device's primitive appearance. Things can always be dressed up if need be. The important thing is that it works.

The Labyrinth (The Illuminati)
TO: Casstiel (Mastigos) of the Five Horsemen
SUBJECT: The Uncertainty Principle

If you really want to wear that quantum death trap around your wrist you do so at your own risk. But just so we're clear, you are not covered for this. Work related blade injuries, shot-off toes, chainsaw gashes, all of these we are equipped and ready to deal with.

Scrapyard Edgar's beer can quantum technology? That's not a box you get to tick on the insurance plan.

However, feel free to proceed if you think this is something that can get results out there.

Fun fact: results are all that matter.

FROM: Temple Hall
TO: Eos (M-Eos) of Malleus Maleficarum
SUBJECT: The Uncertainty Principle

I try very hard to remain open to the times and to new technologies. However, I also believe in rigorous and extended testing. The majority of devices you have wielded to this point I have been able to understand, if only on a theoretical level.

In this case, I haven't a clue. If something goes wrong out there, am I supposed to change the beer can? Restructure my agent on some molecular level using "fired up bititities"?

I have yet to decide if Edgar is on the cutting edge of science or utter madness. Likely it is both.

Do be careful.

R. Sonnac

A couple months after that  and given just enough spare time and spare parts, Moose cobbled together a motorcycle. He wanted me to take it for a test drive and find the parts to put the finishing touches on it.  (Beginning of Mission: A Piece of the Road)

Moose: "Call no man happy until he is dead."  Herodotus said that.  As a kid, I thought he was making bitter commentary.  But what it actually means is that the value of something can't be determined until you can look at the whole - until the final tally.  When that tally comes, where do you think you and I will stand, my friend?  

Me: Thinking of rolling out of Kingsmouth and back to the open road?

Moose: When I busted out of my cubical coffin and found the road, I though I was adding to that tally.  Then I abandoned the road to help Andy and Helen and the rest of the survivors. That added something new and special.  But I still get pangs for the open road. Two loves pulling me like a wishbone.  Can't complain though. Some people drift through life feeling no pull at all.  

Guess longing for the road set me to tinkering.  Found a little free time and spare parts and the next thing I know, I've nearly completed a bike.  I like to keep busy. Idle hands are the Devil's playthings, or so they say.  But it's more complicated than that.  What you craft with your hands eventually crafts you.  I don't want implements of death to be the only thing these hands work on.  I don't want that defining me.  I've got the bike stashed nearby. It's not finished.  In fact, it's running very rough, but you can take it for a test spin.  I'll give you a call when you're on the road.

Mission "A Piece of the Road" Faction After Action Reports

FROM: The Dragon
TO: Dante Zelas (D17) of the Shadowfang
SUBJECT: A Piece of the Road

Sometimes, the road is the dragon's tongue. You can hear the stories when the breath of the wind plays off it. We have heard the stories of the successful walking corpse that was Sandy Jansen, who died and rose again as the living Moose. We know of the black dog that tailed him on the desolate, cornfield roads in Central Illinois. We know the family he helped from a feral pack of vampires in Mexico. We know of the Vodou mambo who promised him a favour of eternal gratitude in Louisiana. We know what the writing on the wall said in the motel room in Nevada. Does Moose follow the weird, or does the weird follow him?

The Labyrinth (The Illuminati)

TO: Casstiel (Mastigos) of the Five Horsemen
SUBJECT: A Piece of the Road

There's an office pool to see if Moose and Andy get together. Sandy "Moose" Jensen's file has some surprises. Before turning Easy Rider, he was quite the power-playing Wall Street analyst. Traded it all in for a Harley-Davidson-Jack-Handy philosophy. Does not compute. Oh well. KG

Templars.pngTemplar

FROM: Temple Hall
TO: Eos (M-Eos) of Malleus Maleficarum
SUBJECT: A Piece of the Road

A knight errant on the lonely road. Free of master or creed or responsibility. The world is his kingdom. I wish Sir Moose well, but we are not free of responsibility. We have much to do, though I do not begrudge you your new chrome steed.

R. Sonnac